I leave in a few short days. I’ll be on my way to Georgia for the training week. Which will involve meeting all the team mates and leaders, team building, worship and bible studies, sleeping in non-electric cabins, showering outside with a hose and a lot of unexpected things Im sure. Im most looking forward to the unexpected. I know from reading blogs that training week can be a very intensely spiritual week.
Everyone has been asking me “Are you excited yet?!”. Im happy that Im going and looking forward to it all, but yet I can’t say Im excited right now.
Since everyone has been asking me about being excited, this last week I have realized how much pain I feel and how broken my heart is. And there is good and bad in that. It’s broken for the right reason, it’s my love for others and sense of justice and compassion that leaves me with a broken heart for people all over the world. I constantly feel sorrow for them. I look down at my wrists and see chains that link me to them. I hear a calling from God telling me to do something about it. I feel responsible for every child that is left without parents. I feel responsible for every girl raped in the sex trade. I feel responsible for every women widowed because of AIDS. I feel responsible for anyone that goes hungry. I feel responsible because, even though Im only one person, I can do something to change it. And I haven’t. Until now.
The sorrow I feel for the people of the world leads me to tears almost everyday. It could be something on the news, or in a blog, or in a magazine, a verse in the bible, in my prayers, and sometimes I just cry for what seems like no reason. My heart is in pain, and it is broken.
“…and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again…”
(twloha.com)
This brokenness deepens my compassion and love. It ensures that I cant turn my back to these people., and that I will do something about it. My compassion will not just be felt, but will be acted upon. But it is hard to walk everyday with this sorrow. It can stress the spirit.
Sorrow and pain are not the only things I feel. They are overwhelming at times, but it is not all I feel. In this world there are a lot of ugly things that leave a lot of people broken, desperate, lonely and lost. In this world there is also a lot of beautiful things that leave people happy, hopeful, strong, and with a smile on there face.
I need to remember that I can have enjoyment along with the sorrow. That God has placed a lot of beautiful thing in my life, and in this world, that we are meant to enjoy.
“So I commend the enjoyment of life, because nothing is better for a man under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany him in his work all the days of the life God has given him under the sun.”
(Ecclesiastes 8:15)
This is beautiful Lisa- And exactly how I have been feeling:)
Hello!
My name is Megan and I somehow stumbled upon your blog from the World Race site. I’m good friends with Ericka Bennett if you’ve had the chance to meet that sweet sweet girl.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that lately I was starting to wonder if I was crazy for feeling like you stated above for other people in the world. It’s overwhelming at the broken hearts that are strewn all over the place. After visiting Ghana, Africa last summer my heart aches EVERY DAY just like you described. So thank you for sharing your heart because it’s been a great comfort to my own to know that I’m not alone! I look forward to hearing more of your adventure 🙂
Take good care!
– Megan